12 Tips On How To Deal With 5-Year-Old Tantrums

Updated:June 25, 2025 | Published:January 18, 2025 | ByPamela Li

Tantrums are a natural aspect of child development, common from 18 months to 4 years, as children learn to control emotions and gain independence. Tantrums in 5-year-olds are less common but still normal if they happen occasionally. Concerns arise if tantrums are violent, overly frequent, or if the child struggles to calm down.

Five red flags indicating potential psychiatric disorders include violent tantrums, self-injurious behavior, tantrums occurring 10-20 times within 30 days or more than 5 times a day on multiple days, tantrums lasting more than 25 minutes, and the inability to self-regulate.

Managing 5-year-old tantrums involves ensuring safety, addressing biological needs, teaching self-regulation and reasoning without punishing, and reviewing the situation to teach emotional expression through words.

Special attention is required for children with sensory overloads, neurodiversity, speech delays, sleep disorders, affected by family stress, or experiencing authoritarian parenting. Persistent tantrums sometimes indicate underlying issues like mental disorders. Professional evaluation is recommended.

To handle 5-year-old tantrums, stay calm, model self-regulation, encourage verbal expression, and offer choices. Here are 12 tips on dealing with 5-year-old temper tantrums.

1. Stay Calm and Composed

Staying calm and composed when a 5-year-old has a tantrum is maintaining emotional control and responding to the child in a measured non-reactive way. Model the way you want your child to act when facing challenges. A calm response diffuses the situation faster. Reacting with anger only leads to impulsive behaviors and decisions, according to a 2019 study titled “Neurocognitive mechanisms of emotion-related impulsivity: The role of arousal,” conducted by Jennifer G. Pearlstein and published in Psychophysiology.

Pause for a moment when you feel that your emotions are rising. Taking slow, deep breaths or verbalizing feelings are some of the ways to stay calm. For example, breathe in slowly while counting one to five internally. Pause for a moment. Then breath out slowly while counting six to ten internally. Repeat a few cycles until you feel calm enough.

Regain composure and speak to the child in a calm, even tone. Do not yell or raise your voice to prevent escalating the child’s frustration. Remind yourself that frustration is normal in children, and responding with aggression does not improve the situation.

2. Model Self-Regulation Skills

Self-regulation is the ability to manage emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Demonstrating healthy ways to handle emotions and behaviors helps manage tantrums, as children learn to self-regulate through imitating parental behaviors, according to a 2017 study titled “The impact of parenting on emotion regulation during childhood and adolescence,” conducted by Amanda S. Morris et al. and published in Child Development.

Taking deep breaths and verbalizing feelings are self-regulation skills to demonstrate. For example, describe your feelings out loud helps you stay calm, “I’m feeling frustrated because I can’t find my keys. I’m going to take a deep breath and check one place at a time so I don’t miss anything”. Statements like these teach 5-year-old children how to handle difficult situations.

3. Encourage Verbal Expression

Encouraging verbal expression means helping a child use words to express needs and emotions. Being able to express emotions verbally helps the 5-year-old self-regulate. Verbal expressions allow caregivers to understand the child’s needs and provide better responses.

Teach your child to name their feelings in daily conversations. For example, “I feel happy because we’re cooking together! How about you?” Be consistent and use simple words so children easily understand, as recommended in the 2021 study titled “Let’s talk about emotions: the development of children’s emotion vocabulary from 4 to 11 years of age,” conducted by Gerlind Grosse et al. and published in Affective Science.

4. Offer Limited Choices

Offering limited choices during a tantrum is giving the child two or three acceptable options instead of asking an open-ended question. Choices distract the child from the triggers and reduce feelings of helplessness in the 5 year old.

Include only two or three choices to avoid overwhelming the child. Make sure all choices are acceptable. Avoid sounding condescending. Use simple language and show the options visually if possible. Follow the child’s choice once it’s decided. For example, “Do you want to put on your pants or socks first?” if the child becomes frustrated with dressing.

5. Be Consistent in Boundaries

Boundaries are necessary when managing tantrums. Set rules and enforce them every time, without exception. Keeping consistent boundaries make expectations predictable. Knowing what to expect helps a child feel safe and in control, reducing frustration. Children become less confused, reducing tantrums.

Ensure the rules are clear. Use positive language and explain why the rules are in place. For example, say “We only buy treats on Saturday” instead of “No buying.” Apply the rules every time. Avoid giving in “just this once,” to prevent sending a confusing message.

6. Acknowledge their Feelings

Acknowledging a child’s feelings involves recognizing and validating the 5-year-old’s emotions during tantrums. Showing support to children’s negative emotions promotes emotion regulation, according to a 2020 study titled ““My child will actually say ‘I am upset’ … Before all they would do was scream”: Teaching parents emotion validation in a social care setting,” conducted by John A. Lambie et al. and published in Child: Care, Health and Development.

Show an open, understanding posture to signal attentiveness. Getting down to the child’s level and maintaining eye contact sometimes help connect with the child. Allow your child to express feelings without interruptions. Nod or offer simple verbal acknowledgments like “I see” or “I hear you.” Use phrases that mirror the child’s emotions and let the child know that having difficult feelings is normal. For example, “It looks like you’re feeling upset because you wanted to play with the toy.”

7. Allow Natural Consequences

Natural consequences result directly from actions, unfolding without external influence. Encountering natural consequences help the 5-year-old understand cause and effect. Allowing natural experiences in non-health or non-safety related situations reduces adult involvement, easing conflicts and power dynamics.

8. Empower Problem-solving Skills

Empowering problem-solving skills involves guiding children to identify challenges, consider options, and choose appropriate solutions. Problem-solving engages cognitive thinking which is essential for regulating emotions but is often impaired during tantrums. Encouraging thoughtful responses instead of reactive behaviors helps a 5-year-old develop self-regulation.

For example, suggesting how puzzle pieces fit differently during a tantrum over completing a puzzle teaches the child that there is another option to handle the situation besides crying.

9. Use Time-ins Instead of Time-outs

Time-in involves staying with a child during emotional distress to provide comfort, guidance, and connection. Time-in is the opposite of time-out, where the child is briefly isolated in a safe space. Using time-ins helps manage tantrums by helping the 5-year-old self-regulate, as noted in the 2021 study titled “Time-out with young children: a parent-child teraction therapy (PCIT) practitioner review,” conducted by Melanie J. Woodfield et al. and published in International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. Parents validate feelings, offer support, and teach self-regulation during a time-in.

For example, experiencing frustration or sadness while leaving the playground often triggers tantrums. Sitting together and validating the emotions promotes calmness. Reassurance and open communication provides the child support and teaches healthier emotional expression.

10. Avoid Bribes

Bribery during a tantrum involves offering something to the child in exchange for an immediate stop to the behavior. Examples of bribery include giving a toy, candy, or screen time to stop a child from crying. Offering bribes during tantrums inadvertently reinforces the outbursts. The 5-year-old learns that the negative behavior leads to a positive outcome, as noted in the 2022 study titled “Tantrums, toddlers and technology: Temperament, media emotion regulation, and problematic media use in early childhood,” conducted by Sarah M. Coyne and published in Computers in Human Behavior.

Avoid giving bribes to prevent a cycle of tantrums. Teach long-term strategies or use alternative options instead. For example, offer picture books or coloring materials if a child is frustrated over a borrowed toy.

11. Address The Cause

Idenfity the cause of unexpected tantrums and respond accordingly. Recognizing common triggers such as hunger or tiredness allows proactive responses to meet those needs promptly to reduce tantrums. Addressing these underlying causes directly helps create a more stable and supportive environment.

12. Anticipate Triggers

Triggers are anything that sets off a child’s tantrum. Anticipating triggers involves observing a child’s behavior pattern and identifying the common factors that precede outbursts. Knowing a child’s triggers helps parents prevent tantrums altogether or allows early intervention. The parent-child bond becomes stronger as the caregiver understands the child’s needs and frustrations.

Anticipating tantrum triggers involves observing recurrent themes. Common triggers of sudden tantrums include hunger, tiredness, and illness, according to a 2008 study titled “Temper tantrums in healthy versus depressed and disruptive preschoolers: defining tantrum behaviors associated with clinical problems,” conducted by Andy C. Belden et al., published in The Journal of Pediatrics. For example, shopping during less busy hours prevents tantrums if a crowded, noisy place often trigger your child.

Is it normal for a 5 year old to throw tantrums

It is normal for a 5 year old to throw tantrums from time to time, but breaking things or harming others during their tantrums is not normal. It is also not normal if tantrums occur too frequently or take the child a long time to calm down.

During early childhood, temper tantrums are a normal part of healthy children development as they learn to control their emotions and gain independence.

Temper tantrums are common among children between 18 months and 4 years old.

They tend to increase during the first 18 to 24 months, and then decrease between 42 and 48 months.

Common tantrum behaviors exhibited by young children include crying, screaming, and hitting.

When Should I Worry About my 5 Year Old’s Tantrums – 5 Red Flags

The frequency, duration, trigger events, and severity of tempers are on a continuum.

Unfortunately, there are no hard and fast rules to determine how much is too much.

Belden, Thomson, and Luby (2009) believed that there are five risky “tantrum styles” parents should watch out for.

5 year olds who have the following abnormal child behavior are at risk for a psychiatric disorder such as disruptive disorder or depression.

However, do not include common triggers such as hunger, sleep problems, or illness.

Violent Tantrums

During the last 10-20 tantrum episodes, your 5 year old showed consistent aggression directed at the caregiver or violently destructive behavior toward objects more than half of the time.

Self-injurious Behavior

Having intense feelings during tantrums is normal.

However, it is not normal if it results in self-injurious behavior. Internally directed anger is a core characteristic of depression.

Self-harming during tantrums, regardless of tantrum frequency, duration, intensity, or context, has to be taken very seriously.

Frequent Tantrums

Having tantrums 10-20 times on separate days during a 30-day period, or on average 5 or more times a day on multiple days is at greater risk of having a serious clinical problem.

Long Duration

Generally, tantrums lasting more than 25 minutes are indicative of more serious issues.

Cannot Self-regulate

Caregiver assistance is required to calm down during tantrums as the child cannot self-regulate.

Why Does My 5 Year Old Have So Many Tantrums

A lack of emotional control is the main reason why a 5-year-old has temper tantrums or anyone for that matter.

However, there are certain circumstances that require special attention.

• Highly sensitive children may have sensory meltdowns when they have sensory overload.
• Children born with neurodiversity such as autism spectrum disorder, Asperger syndrome, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
• Those who struggle with a speech delay can become frustrated more easily.
• Sleep disorders lower a child’s frustration tolerance and may result in toddler bedtime temper tantrum.
• When parents are not well, e.g. marital discord, depression, or family stress, it can affect children’s emotions.
• Authoritarian parenting style.
• Mental disorders such as anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, or oppositional defiant disorder ODD in children.

Seek Professional Help

After trying all the steps above for quite some time, and your 5-year-old continues to throw tantrums every day, something else could be going on and professional help is needed.

Preschoolers who consistently exhibit the five red-flag behaviors are in need of a referral to a child psychologist for further evaluation.

It may be frustrating to hear this if you’re seeking self-help information.

However, at this point, if you have tried everything, you need more than self-help.

Need More Help?

To get more help with children temper tantrums, Parenting Styles suggests the ebook Calm The Tantrums written by Stanford-trained parenting specialist, Pamela Li.

References For 5 Year Old Tantrums

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2. Belden AC, Thomson NR, Luby JL. Temper Tantrums in Healthy Versus Depressed and Disruptive Preschoolers: Defining Tantrum Behaviors Associated with Clinical Problems. The Journal of Pediatrics. Published online January 2008:117-122. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpeds.2007.06.030

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