Ambivalent Attachment: Anxious Attachment Causes And Signs In Children

Updated:June 25, 2025 | Published:January 4, 2025 | ByPamela Li

Ambivalent attachment style (resistant or anxious attachment) is an insecure attachment style that significantly impacts child development and relationships in adulthood. Anxious ambivalent attachment style develops during early childhood due to inconsistent caregiving. Fluctuating levels of caregiving cause children to feel unworthy of love and develop low self-esteem. Ambivalent children have intense feelings of insecurity and attachment anxiety. Anxious children are preoccupied with tracking primary caregivers’ whereabouts or attracting their attention due to the fear of abandonment. Anxious children are hard to calm and often resistant to soothing help from parents.

Ambivalent attachment in children often persists into adulthood as an anxious attachment style, affecting their ability to form healthy relationships. Ambivalent children with consistently responsive caregiving can learn to understand anxious attachment meaning, eventually forming secure relationships and developing secure attachments.

What Is Ambivalent Attachment Style?

The ambivalent attachment style (resistant or anxious attachment) is an insecure attachment characterized by a deep need for approval and fear of abandonment. Ambivalent attachment develops in early childhood when a primary caregiver is inconsistent in providing care, failing to give the predictable attention and affection a child needs. The caregiver is emotionally present and dependable sometimes while emotionally unavailable at other times. The care-related inconsistencies cause the child to feel insecure, leading to extreme proximity-seeking behavior and a relentless need for emotional connection. The child is preoccupied with the caregiver’s availability. Anxious children mistrust their caregivers, remaining ambivalent about their reliability and resistant when available. Attachment insecurity often extends to relationships in adulthood.

Anxiously attached adults develop negative self-views and positive yet apprehensive views of their attachment figures, according to a 2011 study titled “Anxious Attachment and Relationship Processes: An Interactionist Perspective,” by  Lorne Campbell and Tara Marshall, published in the Journal of Personality. Anxious people are preoccupied with their relationships and strongly need reassurance from their partners. Anxious attachers have low self-esteem, leading to a fear of being abandoned or rejected. Anxious adults believe that partners who get to know the real them will lose interest and reject them. A lack of attachment security makes anxious individuals worry excessively and fixate on their relationships. Anxious people use attachment behaviors aimed at drawing closer to their partners. Anxious individuals feel emotional discomfort when their partners are independent, worrying that distance leads to rejection.

What Is The Importance Of Understanding Ambivalent Attachment Style in Children?

The importance of understanding ambivalent attachment styles in children lies in recognizing why ambivalent children develop resistant, anxious, and preoccupied attachment behavior toward attachment figures. Ambivalent attachment, often rooted in inconsistent caregiving during early childhood, leads to difficulty feeling secure, causing children to cling to their primary caregivers, struggle with separation anxiety, and have low self-esteem. Anxiously-attached children seek constant reassurance and validation from parents and are preoccupied with tracking their caregivers’ whereabouts for fear of abandonment. Anxious attachment in childhood can lead to anxious attachment in adulthood.

Understanding anxious attachment in children helps parents, caregivers, and educators realize the importance of consistent care and emotional support. Parents’ reliable availability and comforting reassurance help children develop trust and self-confidence. Adults’ consistent responsiveness helps anxious children improve social-emotional skills, develop healthy friendships, and prevent maladaptive behavior.

What Does The Attachment Theory Say About Ambivalent Attachment Style?

Attachment Theory, first proposed by John Bowlby in the 1950s and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, explains how early interactions with caregivers shape a child’s emotional bonds and attachment styles. Bowlby created this theory to understand how childhood caregiving affects attachment security and child development, particularly with inconsistent parenting or maternal deprivation.

An ambivalent attachment style (insecure attachment) arises from inconsistent caregiving or misattuned parenting, according to the attachment theory. Children with ambivalent attachment are often in distress upon separation. Anxious children become very upset when their caregiver leaves. Anxiously attached children are resistant and difficult to comfort after the caregiver returns. Anxious children are ambivalent, showing anger and affection toward the caregiver often simultaneously. Anxiety about attachment availability leads to clinging behavior and lack of exploration.

How Does the Ambivalent Attachment Style Differ From Other Attachment Styles?

Ambivalent attachment style differs from other attachment styles in its high level of insecurity and anxiety about their caregivers. Children with ambivalent attachment styles often show intense distress when separated from their caregiver, yet their reactions upon reunion are contradictory—displaying a mixture of clinginess and resistance. Ambivalent behavior stems from inconsistent caregiver responsiveness. The caregiver sometimes meets the child’s needs, while at other times, they are unavailable or unresponsive, leading the child to develop uncertainty about whether their needs will be met. Ambivalently attached children tend to be overly dependent, seeking constant reassurance but also displaying frustration when it is provided.

The four types of attachment styles are secure, ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized. Secure attachment reflects a strong trust between the child and the caregiver. Securely attached children display distress when separated but are easily comforted upon reunion. Caregivers of secure children are consistently responsive and sensitive to the child’s needs, creating a stable foundation that fosters independence and confidence. Secure attachment allows children to explore their environment freely, knowing their caregivers are a secure base and reliable source of support. Secure children return to their caregivers as safe havens when needed.

Avoidant attachment from ambivalent attachment in the child’s emotional distance. Avoidantly attached children often minimize their displays of distress when separated from their caregiver and avoid seeking comfort upon reunion. Avoidant style emerges from caregivers who are emotionally unavailable or dismissive of the child’s needs. Avoidant children tend to suppress their emotional needs and adopt a more self-reliant attitude, though this comes at the cost of deeper emotional connection.

Disorganized attachment presents the most significant departure from the ambivalent style. Children with disorganized attachment exhibit a confusing mix of behaviors, often freezing or displaying fear toward their caregivers. Disorganized style arises from caregivers who are frightening or abusive, leaving the child unable to form a coherent strategy for seeking comfort. Disorganized attachment reflects a chaotic, unpredictable pattern where the child’s responses to distress are erratic and disjointed, unlike the conflicted but predictable behavior seen in ambivalent attachment.

How Does Anxious Attachment Style Differ From Avoidant Attachment Style?

Anxious and avoidant attachment styles are distinct, though confusion often arises due to both stemming from inconsistent caregiving in childhood. Avoidant and anxious attachment differ significantly in underlying dynamics.

Anxious attachment is characterized by a fear of rejection and abandonment. Anxious attachment behavior stems from inconsistent caregiving, where the child’s emotional needs are sometimes met but often neglected. Anxious children crave constant reassurance and attention from their caregivers. Anxiously attached children often exhibit clingy behavior, jealousy, and a belief that they are unworthy of love. Anxious children sometimes exaggerate pain and react intensely to separation, becoming upset when a parent leaves and difficult to comfort upon their return. Anxious children develop a heightened sensitivity to signs of rejection or abandonment.

Avoidant attachment is shaped by caregiving that is dismissive, emotionally punishing, or chronically unavailable. Avoidant attachment style is marked by a tendency to revel in independence and rebuff relationships. Avoidantly attached children push people away and fear getting close to others. Avoidant children appear detached and dismissive, especially when faced with situations that require vulnerability, such as arguments that aren’t easily solved.

Anxious and avoidant attachment styles are sometimes confused with each other because both styles are marked by emotional struggles that stem from early caregiving experiences. However, anxious children crave closeness and reassurance, while avoidant children fear being too close and prefer emotional distance.

How Common Is The Ambivalent Attachment Style?

Ambivalent attachment style is uncommon and found in only 7%-15% of most American samples, according to a 1994 study titled “The Insecure/Ambivalent Pattern of Attachment: Theory and Research,” by Cassidy, Jude, and Lisa J. Berlin, published in Child Development.

What Are The Characteristics Of Ambivalent Attachment Style In Children?

Characteristics of ambivalent attachment style in children include clinginess, fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, needing constant reassurance, and hypervigilance. Here are 9 anxious-ambivalent attachment characteristics.

• Clinging to Caregivers: Children with ambivalent attachment tend to cling to caregivers out of fear of abandonment. Anxious children often show excessive attachment behavior and intense separation anxiety. For example, the child refuses to leave their caregiver’s side, feeling uneasy when separated.
• Fear of Abandonment: Ambivalent children have an intense fear of being abandoned, which makes them emotionally reactive and overly sensitive to any perceived distance from their caregiver. For example, the child cries excessively when a caregiver leaves the room, worrying they do not return.
• Low Self-esteem: Anxiously attached children often feel unworthy of love, leading to feelings of unworthiness. Ambivalent children believe they must work harder to earn affection. Children often have poor emotional regulation.
• Needing Frequent Reassurance: Ambivalent children require constant reassurance from caregivers to feel secure. Anxiously attached children become emotionally volatile and act out. For example, children repeatedly ask if a caregiver loves them or worries that their friends no longer like them.
• Hypervigilance: Anxious-ambivalent attachment is associated with heightened anxiety and negative emotional responses, leading to increased emotional distress and hypersensitivity toward real or perceived rejection cues.
• Catastrophizing and Rumination: Excessive worry and fear of rejection cause anxious children to interpret ambiguous cues as threatening and to monitor their caregivers’ behavior obsessively.
• Difficulty Trusting Others: Children with ambivalent attachment tend to be distrustful or guarded around strangers. Anxious/ambivalent children struggle to trust new people.
• Emotionally Reactive: Ambivalently attached children believe that only extreme reactions result in proximity and attention from the caregivers. Children use exaggerated expressions of distress to increase and maintain proximity with caregivers, according to a 2011 study titled “The Relation Between Insecure Attachment and Child” by Cristina Colonnesi et al., published in Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology.
• Ambivalent-Resistent Style: Ambivalent attachment is resistant where children are clingy and resistant to comforting simultaneously. Anxious children push caregivers away or ignore caregivers, even while seeking their attention, showing their conflicting feelings about trust.

What Causes Anxious Attachment Style In Children?

Anxious attachment style in children forms when early caregiving experiences are inconsistent, unpredictable, or emotionally unavailable. Children develop a heightened sense of worry, fear, and anxiety about their caregivers’ availability, leading to an intense fear of rejection, abandonment fears, and low self-esteem. Below are the causes of anxious attachment in children.

• Inconsistent or Unpredictable Parenting: When caregivers are unpredictable in their responses, e.g., sometimes attentive, other times neglectful, children learn that their needs are not always met. Insecure attachment results and the child is constantly anxious about their caregiver’s availability. Misattuned parenting leaves the child uncertain of emotional support, causing them to develop fears of rejection and abandonment.
• Preoccupied Caregivers: Children who have caregivers who are preoccupied with their own attachment history often develop anxious attachment. Repeated experiences with attachment figures lead children to create general expectations about the unavailability of their caregivers, leading to chronic anxiety.
• Childhood Trauma: Experiences of abuse, neglect, or other traumatic events during childhood severely disrupt the attachment system. Trauma increases the risk of developing anxiety disorders, low self-esteem, and fear of abandonment. Children may feel insecure, helpless, and overly vigilant, constantly seeking safety and validation.

What Are The Signs That A Child Has Anxious Attachment Style?

Signs of anxious attachment in a child include clinginess, emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment, lack of self-confidence, less exploration and people-pleasing. Anxious attachment style signs in children are listed below.

1. Separation Anxiety: Children with anxious attachment often cling to caregivers and demonstrate separation anxiety, becoming inconsolable or experiencing extreme distress when separated from their parents.
2. Emotional Dysregulation (Hyperactivity) – Anxious children often develop hyperactivating strategies to get attention from their parents. Anxiously attached children cry excessively and are easily distressed. They view small problems as big challenges.
3. Fear of Abandonment: Anxious children display a fear of rejection and fear of abandonment, leading them to seek constant reassurance and approval from others.
4. Lack of Self-confidence: Children with anxious attachment believe they are not worthy of love. Children show more overt fear and less confidence.
5. Less Exploration: Anxious children are preoccupied with staying close to their parents and exploring the environment less.
6. People Pleasing: Some anxiously attached children have found that sometimes they succeed in pleasing their parents and getting their attention. Anxious children develop the tendency to please others or compulsively care for them to earn acceptance and love, according to a 1996 study from Israel titled “Attachment patterns and their outcomes,” conducted by Ofra Mayseless at the University of Haifa and published in Human Development.
7. Difficulty with Peer Relationships: Anxious attachment in children leads to difficult relationships with peers, struggle with trusting others, and difficulty setting boundaries due to their need for closeness.
8. Craving Connection and Difficulty Being Alone: Children with anxious attachment issues tend to crave intimacy but have a fear of emotional closeness or fear of intimacy, leading to attachment issues like being needy and obsessively looking for signs of affection and feeling dependent on others.

What Are The Signs Of Anxious Attachment Style In Adults?

Signs of anxious attachment style in adults include the constant need for reassurance, fear of abandonment, overly dependent, smothering behavior, and rumination over worst-case scenarios. An anxious attachment style forms in childhood when a caregiver fails to give attention in a dependable, predictable way. Anxious children are constantly anxious about staying close to their caregivers. Attachment anxiety often persists into adulthood and becomes a preoccupied attachment style in adults. Anxious-preoccupied attachment signs in adults are listed below.

• Clingy and Preoccupation: Individuals with anxious attachment often exhibit clingy behavior and become preoccupied with their relationships. Preoccupation with closeness often creates tension in romantic relationships and friendships, as the person often demands more emotional closeness than their partner or friend provides, causing strain.
• Constant Need For Reassurance: Anxious attachment in adulthood requires constant validation and affirmation from partners.
• Fear Of Abandonment: Anxious adults are intensely afraid of being left alone or rejected.
• Overly Dependent On Partner: Individuals become clingy or emotionally dependent, unable to function without their partner.
• Strong Desire for Emotional Intimacy: The need to connect lead anxious adults to rush into relatinships or become overly attached too quickly. Excessive attachment behavior leads to unrealistic expectations of others and makes it difficult to maintain balanced, healthy connections.
• Over-sensitivity: Anxious individuals have heightened emotional sensitivity and become overly reactive to perceived signs of rejection, criticism, or distance from others. Anxious adults interpret minor issues or changes in a relationship as major threats to its stability, causing them to be upset easily and creating emotional volatility.
• Jealousy: Pervasive fear of abandonment leads anxious individuals to feel threatened by their partner’s interactions with others. Jealousy sometimes manifests in controlling or possessive behaviors, damaging the relationship and pushing the partner away.
• Smothering Behaviors: Seeking closeness and contact excessively overwhelms or pushes partners away.
• Rumination Over Worst-case Scenarios: Adults with anxious attachment tend to worry constantly about their relationships, imagining the worst outcomes. Anxious adults have catastrophic beliefs about potentially aversive situations.
• Negative View of Self: Low self-esteem and feeling unworthy of love fueling their need for reassurance.
• Difficulty with Relationships: These individuals often struggle with maintaining healthy relationships due to their fears and dependency.
• Trust Issues: Anxiously attached people struggle to trust that their partners or close friends remain committed to them. They frequently question their partner’s intentions, leading to anxiety and suspicion.
• Crying That Isn’t Easily Consoled: Anxious individuals react to emotional distress with tears that are difficult to soothe.

What Are The Long-Term Effects Of Ambivalent Attachment Style?

The long-term effects of an ambivalent attachment style include problems with intimate relationships, difficulty with social interactions, mental and physical health, and school achievement. The long-term effects of anxious-ambivalent attachment are listed below.

1. Problems with Romantic Relationships: Adults with anxious-preoccupied attachment often experience difficulty in forming secure attachment relationships. Their pervasive fear of abandonment and need for validation result in clinginess, negatively impacting relationships. Anxious individuals struggle with maintaining relationships, especially long-distance relationships. The desire for fast commitment creates tension in intimate relationships.
2. Social Interactions: Anxious attachment leads to difficulties in social interactions, as individuals often struggle to calm themselves during stressful situations. Attachment anxiety leads to overdependence on others, seeking constant reassurance and validation. Their fear of abandonment makes it difficult to trust others, impacting the formation of secure social bonds.
3. Low Self-esteem: Anxiously attached individuals believe they are not worthy of love and fear rejection, which further fuels their attachment anxiety. Anxious people’s sense of self-worth often depends on external validation, making them more vulnerable to emotional instability when reassurance is not immediately available.
4. Emotional Dysregulation: Adults with anxious attachment find it difficult to handle stress and become overwhelmed easily, especially when they perceive threats to their relationships or stability. The inability to self-regulate results in ongoing feelings of insecurity and emotional instability.
5. Physical Health: Chronic stress from insecure attachment impacts physical health. The body’s stress response becomes overactive as individuals with anxious attachment struggle to manage stress and adapt to change. The emotional distress leads to issues such as hypertension, digestive problems, and a weakened immune system.
6. Jealousy and Trust Issues: Anxious attachment results in jealousy and difficulty trusting others. Individuals constantly question their partner’s loyalty or become anxious about their partner’s interactions with others. Anxious adults tend to develop controlling behaviors or frequent conflicts, damaging their relationships.
7. Intellectual Development: Children with anxious attachment struggle to concentrate and take part in learning. This attachment style affects their intellectual development by limiting their ability to explore the world confidently. The instinct for attachment, usually an adaptation for survival, is disrupted, making it harder to focus on educational and cognitive tasks. Ambivalent children often have worse academic performance and lower cognitive skills, according to a 2013 study titled “Mother-child attachment and cognitive performance in middle childhood: An examination of mediating mechanisms,” by Kathryn A. Kerns, published in Early Childhood Research Quarterly.
8. Mental Health Issues: The long-lasting effect of anxious attachment includes a heightened risk for anxiety disorders, depression, and emotional dysregulation, according to a 2022 study titled “The Relationship Between Adult Attachment and Mental Health: A Meta-Analysis,” by Wenjian Xu et al., published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The enduring influences of early attachment styles and emotions make it difficult for individuals to manage thoughts and emotions, exacerbating mental health issues. Constant worry about rejection increases emotional instability.

Are Children With Anxious Attachment Style At Higher Risk Of Having Mental Health Issues?

Yes, children with an anxious attachment style are at higher risk of having mental health issues, such as anxiety disorders, when they have difficulties regulating emotions and interacting competently with peers. Anxious attachment in children, stemming from inconsistent, misattuned, rejecting, or emotionally unavailable caregiving, is associated with fear of abandonment and rejection. Insecurely attached children tend to have lower self-esteem and higher levels of worry, according to a 2008 study titled “Relations among perceived parental rearing behaviors, attachment style, and worry in anxious children” by Brown, Amy M., and Stephen P. Whiteside, published in Journal of Anxiety Disorders. Insecure children with multiple risk factors, such as emotional dysregulation and incompetent social skills, according to a 2014 study titled “Is Insecure Parent-Child Attachment a Risk Factor for the Development of Anxiety in Childhood or Adolescence?,” by Kerns, Kathryn A., and Laura E. Brumariu, published in Child development perspectives.

How Does Ambivalent Attachment Style Affect Adult Relationships?

Ambivalent attachment style in children significantly affects future adult relationships by creating emotional closeness, trust, and intimacy challenges. Adults with anxious-preoccupied attachment often experience attachment anxiety, which manifests as a fear of abandonment, clinginess, and a strong need for reassurance. Anxious individuals tend to feel insecure in their relationships, whether in romantic relationships or friendships and often have a heightened fear of rejection.

Anxious attachment in adults often leads to communication breakdowns, as highly anxious individuals struggle to regulate their distress and resort to hyper-activating behaviors, such as amplifying emotional signals to receive attention and validation. This causes unbalanced dependency dynamics, where anxious people become overly needy and clingy while their partners feel overwhelmed. Attachment anxiety often stems from early relationships with caregivers who were not consistently dependable or predictable, leading to a fear of abandonment in adult relationships.

The insecure attachment style often results in difficulty forming healthy, satisfying relationships, especially when compared to securely attached individuals, who are better at managing conflict resolution and emotional intimacy. Anxiously attached adults tend to sabotage relationships because they constantly worry about being left behind or not receiving enough attention. The difficulty in connecting and the tendency to become codependent leads to a pattern of intense emotions, making it hard to maintain a stable bond.

Individuals with anxious attachment are often deeply invested in relationships, but their apprehensive nature and fear of abandonment undermine their relationship satisfaction.

What Are The Treatments For Ambivalent Attachment In Children?

Treatments for ambivalent attachment styles in children include anxious attachment therapy, like cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT), psychotherapy, and group therapy. To help children heal from anxious attachment style, seek help from a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist or psychologist specializing in child mental health.

Can You Prevent Your Child From Having Ambivalent Attachment?

Yes, you can prevent your child from developing an ambivalent attachment style by being consistently responsive to your child’s needs and using positive parenting practices. Positive parenting practices that promote secure attachment in children include behavior such as parental warmth, openness, consistent support, constant monitoring and surveillance, a certain degree of autonomy, availability, setting limits and clear rules accompanied by inductive discipline, expectations and age-appropriate applications, according to a 2015 study from Romania titled ” Attachment and Parenting Styles,” conducted by Nanu Elena Doinita and Nijloveanu Dorina Maria at Bucharest University and published in Procedia-Social and Behavioral Sciences. These behaviors are associated with an authoritative parenting style, which promotes secure attachment and avoids insecure attachment development.

How To Overcome Anxious Attachment Style As An Adult?

To overcome anxious attachment style as an adult, increase awareness, practice anxiety management strategies, stop overthinking, commit to building resilience, and seek therapy. Below are ways to overcome anxious attachment styles in adulthood.

1. Increase awareness: Knowing your anxious attachment style is the first step in healing. Pay attention and recognize your negative thought patterns and unconscious emotional reactions in relationships.
2. Learn Coping Strategies: Learn and practice anxiety management strategies like mindfulness, emotion regulation, and ways to relax such as drinking water, taking a shower, and exercising.
3. Stop Catastrophizing: Change overthinking patterns by focusing on self-awareness and self-regulation. Stop trying to please others.
4. Focus on Resilience, Acceptance, and Commitment: Recognize anxious behavior and work on building self-esteem, confidence, and independence in relationships. Commit to changing.
5. Break Free From Unhealthy Relationship: Avoid or leave unhealthy relationships. Reach out for help from trusted individuals or professionals for guidance.
6. Foster Positive Relationship: Develop healthy relationship-building skills by authentically expressing your needs, openly communicating, and choosing healthy relationships that encourage secure attachment and connections.
7. Prioritize Self-care: Give yourself the permission to relax and enjoy life. Develop new hobbies, learn new skills, exercise and spend time with friends.
8. Seek Professional Help: Address traumatic relationship experiences that trigger anxious attachment by working with therapy or counseling approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or psychodynamic psychotherapy.

Is Ambivalent Attachment Style Unhealthy?

Yes, ambivalent attachment style is unhealthy because ambivalent children experience heightened anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty managing stress, leading to emotional pain and insecurity. Ambivalently attached children struggle with fear of abandonment by their parents and, in adulthood, fear of rejection in romantic relationships. Anxious adults preoccupied with rejection fear have hypersensitivity and significant jealousy, resulting in a clingy or controlling approach to intimacy and emotional closeness. Ambivalent attachment style often originates from care-related inconsistencies in early childhood, such as unreliable caregivers, leading to a negative self-view and difficulty forming trusting relationships.