Co-Parenting: Definition, How To Make It Work, And What To Avoid

Updated:June 25, 2025 | Published:January 5, 2025 | ByPamela Li

Co-parenting is an arrangement where separated or divorced parents collaborate to raise their children. Successful co-parenting comprises shared responsibilities and joint decision-making to provide children stability and emotional security. The primary goal of co-parenting is to ensure children maintain strong relationships with both parents, supported by cooperation, minimal conflict, and balanced parenting duties, according to a 2023 study titled “Patterns of coparenting and young children’s social-emotional adjustment in low-income families,” conducted by Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan et al. and published in Child Development Journal.

Co-parenting functions through mutual respect, effective communication, and flexibility, with parents dividing responsibilities equitably, such as managing school activities and daily routines. Minimizing conflict and prioritizing the child’s needs are keys to successful co-parenting.

Co-parenting has a massive positive impact on family dynamics, reducing parental stress and fostering better child well-being. Effective co-parenting post-divorce enhances children’s emotional adjustment and overall development, whereas a lack of cooperation negatively affects their mental health.

Healthy co-parenting positively impacts children when parents cooperate and provide a unified front to promote secure attachments and better social skills in children. Unhealthy co-parenting marked by conflict harms children’s cognitive and social development. Ineffective co-parenting increases the risk of behavioral issues in children.

There are three main co-parenting styles: conflicted (high discord and unresolved issues), cooperative (mutual support and collaboration), and parallel (minimal interaction but structured boundaries). Cooperative parenting is the healthiest approach, fostering better outcomes for children through shared efforts and decision-making.

Healthy co-parenting includes open communication, equitable responsibilities, and low interpersonal conflict, avoiding negative behaviors like undermining the other parent or inconsistent rules. Successful strategies involve maintaining regular communication, agreeing on a parenting plan, and being flexible to adapt to changing circumstances, as outlined by Pires’ 2021 study.

Challenges in co-parenting include communication barriers, disagreements on child-rearing, scheduling conflicts, and parental alienation, which can strain relationships and affect children’s well-being. Avoiding negative actions, such as criticizing the other parent or disrupting routines, ensures a more stable environment for the child.

Benefits of co-parenting include reduced parental stress, enhanced child adjustment, and stable support systems. Drawbacks of co-parenting include conflicts, emotional strain, and the risk of behavior problems. Prioritizing the child’s well-being through respectful collaboration is essential for successful co-parenting.

What Is Co-Parenting?

Co-parenting is an arrangement where two parents who are no longer in a romantic relationship work together to raise a child. Co-parenting involves shared responsibilities and decision-making, where both parents actively participate in childcare, education, and extracurricular decisions.

The main goal of co-parenting is to provide the child with a stable relationship with each parent. A strong co-parenting relationship includes mutual support, minimal criticism, little conflict, and a fair share of parenting duties and connections with the child. This is supported by findings in a 2023 study titled “Patterns of co-parenting and young children’s social-emotional adjustment in low-income families,” conducted by Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan et al. and published in the Child Development Journal.

How Does Co-Parenting Work?

Co-parenting works by equally sharing responsibilities for raising a child. Parents engage in open and respectful discussions about schedules, decisions, and concerns to ensure responsibilities are divided fairly.  For example, one parent handles morning school drop-offs while the other manages after-school activities, ensuring both contribute fairly to the child’s daily routine.

Maintaining a cooperative and respectful relationship between the parents is necessary to make a co-parenting relationship work, according to a 2020 study titled “Co-Parenting Programs: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis,” conducted by Cindy Eira Nunes et al. and published in the Family Relations Journal. Parents openly communicate to ensure the child’s needs are met. There are healthy boundaries established between the parents to minimize conflict. Parents adapt to changes in schedules or circumstances to accommodate both parties and conversations and decisions revolve around what benefits the child.

What Is The Importance Of Co-Parenting?

The importance of co-parenting is evident in its positive impact on the well-being of family members and the quality of family relationships. Effective co-parenting reduces parental stress, according to a 2020 study titled “Co-Parenting Programs: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis,” conducted by Cindy Eira Nunes et al. and published in Family Relations Journal. Low parenting stress ultimately leads to effective parenting.

Co-parenting after a divorce is beneficial for children, according to a 2016 study titled “Advancing Co-parenting Education: Toward a Foundation for Supporting Positive Post-Divorce Adjustment,” conducted by Anthony J. Ferraro et al. and published in Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal. Continued involvement from both parents improves children’s well-being, while the absence of co-parenting has adverse effects.

How Does Co-Parenting Impact Children?

Co-parenting impacts children positively or negatively, depending on the quality of the relationship between the parents. Co-parenting involving cooperation, cohesion, and support reduces risks of externalizing and internalizing behavior problems, according to a 2020 study titled “Co-Parenting Programs: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis,” conducted by Cindy Eira Nunes et al. and published in Family Relations Journal. Healthy co-parenting improves the child-parent relationship by reducing parental control and rejection. Children develop secure attachment and better social functioning when parents cooperate.

Unhealthy co-parenting negatively impacts children’s well-being. Tensions between parents often cause insensitivity to the child’s needs, according to a 2018 study titled “Coparenting and Parenting: Pathways From the Couple Relationship to Children’s Behavior Problems,” conducted by Alison Parkes et al. and published in the Journal of Family Psychology. Negative co-parenting impairs children’s cognitive functioning and social development and increases the risk of externalizing symptoms.

What Are The Types Of Co-Parenting?

The three types of co-parenting are conflicted, cooperative, and parallel co-parenting. Here are the 3 types of co-parenting arrangements.

1. Conflicted Co-Parenting

Conflicted co-parenting is an arrangement where parents experience frequent discord in their approach to raising the child. Conflicted co-parenting involves disputes over decisions related to the child’s upbringing, such as education, healthcare, or visitation schedules. Arguments often arise from unresolved personal conflicts between the parents. Ongoing hostility and lack of collaboration often overshadow the child’s best interests in conflicted co-parenting.

2. Cooperative Co-Parenting

Cooperative co-parenting is when both parents support each other’s efforts. Parents work together to raise their children without letting personal differences interfere. Cooperative parenting works by having a shared parenting plan that outlines responsibilities and decisions related to the child, such as education, discipline, health care, and emotional support. A key feature of cooperative parenting is the emphasis on collaboration, rather than conflict or unilateral decision-making. Parents in cooperative relationships make joint decisions, respect each other’s perspectives, and recognize each other’s roles in the child’s life.

3. Parallel Co-Parenting

Parallel parenting is a co-parenting method where divorced or separated parents raise their children independently, with minimal collaboration. Each parent has a distinct parenting style, rules, and routines during their respective parenting time. Parallel parenting is characterized by low levels of conflict not because of cooperative interactions but because of a lack of engagement between parents, according to a 2008 study titled “Coparenting and the Parenting Coordination Process,” conducted by Matthew J. Sullivan and published in the Journal of Child Psychology. Communication and joint decision-making are minimal or often disengaged, with the parenting plan from legal agreements serving as the framework for their independent roles.

What Are The Key Differences Between Co-Parenting And Parallel Parenting?

The key differences between co-parenting and parallel parenting include communication, decision-making, collaboration, and the parent relationship. Co-parenting is characterized by frequent and open communication. Parents cooperate and maintain a positive relationship to make joint decisions for the child.

Parallel parenting involves limited communication. Parents have minimal cooperation, resulting in independent decisions about the child. Parallel parenting prioritizes structured boundaries to avoid conflict and allow parents to maintain separate lives while raising the child, according to a 1996 study titled “Co-Parenting: A Review of the Literature,” conducted by Arendell Terry and published in the National Center on Fathers and Families.

What Does Healthy Co-Parenting Look Like?

Healthy co-parenting comprises balanced responsibilities, good communication, cooperation, and low interpersonal conflict. Below are the characteristics of healthy co-parenting.

• Balanced Responsibilities: A healthy co-parenting relationship involves shared responsibilities in attending to the needs of the child. Equal involvement of both parents ensures no one feels excluded or undervalued. An example of sharing equal responsibilities in raising the child is allowing one parent to help with homework and school drop-offs while the other takes care of extracurricular activities and weekend outings.
• Good Communication: Good communication in co-parenting involves having open and respectful discussions about schedules, discipline strategies, and other parenting matters. Parents maintain civil communication even during disagreements to prioritize the child’s well-being.
• Cooperation: Cooperation involves a willingness to set aside personal differences to avoid disagreements. Parents work together to find common ground and compromise when necessary. For example, if one parent sets a bedtime of 8:30 PM on school nights, the other parent follows the same schedule during their time with the child, regardless of personal preference.
• Low Interpersonal Conflict: Low interpersonal conflict involves keeping personal grievances out of co-parenting discussions to prevent disagreements from overshadowing the child’s needs. Minimal conflict between parents enhances co-parenting efforts, resulting in healthier child adjustment, according to a 2012 study titled “Do Parent Education Programs Promote Healthy Post-Divorce Parenting? Critical Distinctions and a Review of the Evidence,” conducted by Amanda Sigal and published in Family Court Review.
• Avoidance of Negative Comments: Healthy co-parenting thrives when parents refrain from undermining each other, according to a 2023 study titled “Patterns of coparenting and young children’s social-emotional adjustment in low-income families,” conducted by Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan et al. and published in Child Development journal. Parents must not criticize the other parent’s decisions, disciplinary systems, or parenting style in front of the child. For example, instead of telling the child, ‘Your dad is too strict for putting you to bed so early,’ the other parent discusses the concerns with the former partner and works together to find a compromise.
• Constructive Resolution of Disagreements: Parents in a healthy co-parenting relationship address conflicts with respect and open communication. Constructive resolution disagreements ensure that tensions do not escalate into prolonged conflict.

What Are The Strategies For Successful Co-Parenting?

The strategies for successful co-parenting include maintaining regular communication, agreeing on a co-parenting plan, and creating a plan that works for both parents. Here are the strategies for co-parenting successfully.

• Maintain Regular Communication: Regular communication involves establishing and adhering to consistent, open, and honest discussions about the child’s needs, schedules, and important decisions. Regular communication minimizes parental conflicts and helps ensure consistency in parenting styles, rules, and expectations, creating a stable environment for the child.
• Work Out a Co-Parenting Plan: A co-parenting plan outlines the responsibilities, division of tasks, and other decisions on raising the child. Key components of a co-parenting plan include custody arrangements, visitation schedules, communication plans, and resolution guidelines. Elaborated co-parenting plans facilitate smoother family transitions, particularly following divorce, according to a 2020 study titled “Co-Parenting Programs: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis,” conducted by Eira Nunes et al. and published in the Family Relations Journal.
• Create An Arrangement That Works for Both of You: Establishing a parenting plan that considers each parent’s schedule, preference, and needs ensures a smoother co-parenting experience. Disagreements and arguments regarding child-rearing schedules commonly cause conflicts among co-parents, making a mutually agreed-upon arrangement necessary, according to a 2005 study titled “Factors Contributing to Quality Coparenting,” conducted by Kathryn Bonach, PhD and published in the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage. Agreeing on a schedule where one parent has custody during the school week due to proximity to school while the other takes weekends, provides a schedule that works for both parents.
• Discuss Changes to The Plan: Open communication about necessary adjustments to the plan minimizes conflict and fosters mutual understanding. Healthy discussions enable co-parents to collaborate more seamlessly regarding the child’s upbringing, leading to positive child adjustment outcomes, according to a 2021 study titled “Parenting Styles, Coparenting, and Early Child Adjustment in Separated Families with Child Physical Custody Processes Ongoing in Family Court,” conducted by Monica Pires et al. and published in Children journal. For instance, inform the other parent about a last-minute business trip and request a swap in visitation days.
• Be Flexible: Flexibility in co-parenting involves the willingness to adjust schedules and compromise parenting styles. Flexibility is necessary to accommodate unforeseen circumstances and ensure a cooperative and supportive co-parenting dynamic.
• Respect Different Parenting Styles: Parenting styles refer to the distinct approaches or strategies used in raising a child, often based on levels of warmth and control. Acknowledging and accepting differences in styles of parenting avoids inconsistencies. Co-parenting inconsistencies are associated with early child behavior problems, according to a 2011 study titled “Coparenting and the Transition to Parenthood: A Framework for Prevention,” by Mark E. Feinberg et al. and published in Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review.
• Make Room for Stepparents: Welcoming stepparents into the co-parenting arrangement creates a healthier parenting environment for the child, according to a 2003 study titled “Parent Teams and the Everyday Interactions of Co-Parenting in Stepfamilies,” conducted by Don O. Braithwaite et al. in the United Kingdom and published in Communication Reports. Setting boundaries and defining roles are necessary. Parents and stepparents must negotiate the scheduling of visitations, discipline, and finances to maintain family harmony.
• Keep Interactions Cordial: Maintaining polite and professional communication avoids parental conflict. A co-parenting relationship with cooperation, agreement, and low conflict is critical for reducing internalizing and externalizing behavior problems and improving child social functioning, according to a 2023 study titled “Patterns of co-parenting and young children’s social-emotional adjustment in low-income families,” conducted by Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan et al. and published in Child Development journal. An example of keeping the interactions cordial is greeting the other parent politely during drop-offs and keeping the conversation focused on the child’s needs rather than past conflicts.
• Make The Most of the Time with Your Child: Engaging in meaningful activities to maximize parenting time strengthens the parent-child relationship. Prioritizing outings, such as trips to the park, over household chores helps foster stronger bonds.
• Prepare For When Your Child Isn’t with You: Preparations for the child’s next visit include scheduling an age-appropriate activity, creating a comfortable home space, and communicating with the co-parent about the child’s upcoming events, medical appointments or special needs. Planning ensures a smooth and positive experience for the parent and the child.

What Are The Challenges In Co-Parenting?

Challenges in co-parenting include childrearing disagreement, communication barriers, parental alienation, inconsistent co-parenting, and scheduling conflicts. Here are 5 challenges in co-parenting.

• Childrearing Disagreement: Childrearing disagreement involves differences of opinion on moral values, discipline, education, safety, peer relationships, and so on. Discord in parenting beliefs leads to behavior problems in young children and adjustment problems in adolescents, according to a 2011 study titled “Coparenting and the Transition to Parenthood: A Framework for Prevention,” by Mark E. Feinberg and published in the Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review.
• Communication Barrier: Poor communication between parents leads to misunderstandings, disagreements, and inconsistent parenting decisions. Parents who fail to communicate are unlikely to work together, making collaboration in raising the child difficult.
• Parental Alienation: Parental alienation occurs when one parent deliberately undermines or sabotages the relationship between a child and the other parent. Conflicts during co-parenting often lead to parental alienation, according to a 2020 study titled “Parental Alienation: In Search of Common Ground For a More Differentiated Theory,” conducted by Janet R. Johnson et al. and published in Family Court Review.
• Inconsistent Co-parenting: Inconsistent co-parenting happens when parents disagree on how to raise their child. Differing approaches to discipline, routines, or rules often confuse children and create parental tension. Inconsistencies cause one parent to overcompensate for the other’s role to prevent negative outcomes, according to a 2022 study titled “The Role of Paternal Parenting and Co-parenting Quality in Children’s Academic Self-Efficacy,” conducted by Demet Kara et al. in Turkey and published in Frontiers in Psychology. However, a parent’s negative behavior is enough to outweigh the positive influence of the other parent. For instance, a highly critical or neglectful parent harms a child, even if the other parent is supportive.
• Scheduling Conflicts: Coordinating activities, visitation schedules, and holidays is challenging, particularly when parents have busy or conflicting routines.

What To Avoid In Co-Parenting

Things to avoid in co-parenting include undermining your former partner, making your child feel guilty, and imposing inconsistent rules. Here are 5 things to avoid in co-parenting.

• Undermine Your Former Partner: Criticizing or speaking negatively about the co-parent in front of the child leads to confusion. Undermining the other parent causes the child to feel torn between loyalty to both parents, leading to emotional distress, according to a 2016 study titled “Exposure to Parental Alienation and Subsequent Anxiety and Depression in Italian Adults,” conducted by Amy. J. L. Baker et al. published in The American Journal of Family Therapy. Children benefit from consistent messages, mutual respect, and cooperation between parents.
• Make Your Child Feel Guilty About Loving Their Other Parent: Discouraging the child from expressing affection for the other parent creates emotional conflict for the child. Forcing the child to feel guilty about loving the other parent is a form of parental alienation that ultimately affects the child’s emotional and mental health functions, as detailed in the 2022 study titled “The Impact of Parental Alienating Behaviours on the Mental Health of Adults Alienated in Childhood,” conducted by Suzanne Verhaar et al. and published in Children journal.
• Impose Inconsistent Rules: Avoiding inconsistent rules in co-parenting ensures stability and clarity for children. Consistency reduces confusion and helps the child understand expectations, making the development of self-discipline and a sense of security easier. Enforcing different rules causes the child to feel caught in parental disagreements, leading to negative outcomes such as lower academic self-efficacy, according to a 2022 study titled “The Role of Paternal Parenting and Co-parenting Quality in Children’s Academic Self-Efficacy,” conducted by Demet Kara et al. and published in Frontiers in Psychology.
• Inflexibility: Inflexibility in co-parenting creates unnecessary conflict and stress for everyone involved, especially the child. Effective co-parenting requires adapting to changing circumstances, such as schedule shifts, unexpected events, or the child’s evolving needs. A rigid approach reduces cooperation and prevents parents from focusing on the child’s best interests.
• Disrupt Your Child’s Routine:  Disrupting the parenting plan creates unnecessary stress and confusion. A stable routine gives the child a sense of security and predictability, crucial for emotional and psychological well-being. Keep the meal times or sleep schedules consistent across both households to help the child adjust more easily to the dynamics of shared parenting.

What Are The Pros Of Co-Parenting?

The pros of co-parenting include having less parental stress, stability, better child adjustment, greater empathy, and improved competence. Below are the 8 advantages of co-parenting.

Less Parental Stress: Parental stress involves feeling overwhelmed by the demands of raising a child. Support from the co-parent helps the other parent feel more at ease, reducing parental stress, according to a 2016 study titled “Supportive Coparenting Relationships as a Haven of Psychological Safety at the Transition to Parenthood,” conducted by Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan et al. and published in Research in Human Development. Supportive co-parenting relationships are associated with fathers’ greater engagement in parenting, higher-quality father-child relationships, higher parenting confidence, and lower paternal parenting stress.

Stability: Stability provides children with a sense of safety and grounding after changes in the parents’ relationship. Structured co-parenting arrangements and collaborative parental decision-making foster a secure environment for children.

Better Child Adjustment: Child adjustment involves adapting to changes, challenges, or circumstances following parents’ separation.  Adolescents experience fewer negative effects of divorce when parents maintain a cooperative co-parenting relationship, according to a 2006 study titled “through which children adapt successfully to changes, challenges, or circumstances in their lives,” conducted by Paul R. Amato et al. and published in the Journal of Marriage & Family.

Enhanced Support System: Co-parenting arrangements ensure that childcare continues during difficult situations, such as losing a parent. The shared responsibility of caregiving helps the surviving parent and extended family members provide emotional stability and meet the child’s needs during grief and loss.

Greater Empathy: Empathy includes recognizing emotions in others, imagining their experiences, and responding with sensitivity and care. Paternal involvement in daily child-related activities following a divorce or separation is associated with higher levels of child empathy.

Improved Competence: Competence involves the child’s social and academic competence.  Supportive co-parenting positively impacts children’s social skills and academic performance, particularly during early childhood, according to a 1996 study titled “New directions in the study of family-level dynamics during infancy and early childhood,” conducted by James P. McHale et al. and published in New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development journal.

Minimized Disruption: Co-parenting facilitates maintaining strong parental relationships even when geographical separation occurs. Regular contact with both parents reduces disruptions in the child’s life and preserves emotional stability.

What Are The Cons Of Co-Parenting?

The cons of co-parenting include high conflicts, parental alienation and extra effort, behavior problems, and emotional strain. Here are the disadvantages of co-parenting.

• High Levels of Conflict: Conflict between parents involves frequent disagreements or hostility. Tension between parents causes the child to feel caught in the middle, leading to psychological distress, according to the 2006 study titled “Felling Caught Between Parents: Adult Children’s Relations with Parents and Subjective Well-Being,” conducted by Paul R. Amato et al., and published in the Journal of Marriage & Family.
• Parental Alienation: A parental alienation occurs when the child sides with one parent against the other. Parental alienation often happens when one parent intentionally undermines the child’s relationship with the other parent.
• Extra Effort Required: Co-parenting demands significant time, patience, and communication. Coordinating schedules, making joint decisions, and staying flexible are sometimes draining, particularly when there are differences in parenting styles or values.
• Behavior Problems: Behavior problems include disruptive, challenging, or inappropriate behaviors such as aggression, defiance, or impulsivity. Unhealthy co-parenting is associated with an increased risk of behavior problems, according to the 2018 study titled “Coparenting and Parenting Pathways From the Couple Relationship to Children’s Behavior Problems,” conducted by Alison Parkes et al. and published in the Journal of Family Psychology.
• Emotional Strain: Emotional strain refers to the mental and emotional stress experienced when facing persistent or overwhelming challenges. Parents are at high risk of emotional exhaustion due to the ongoing need to manage their relationship with the other parent.