Parallel Parenting: Parallel Parenting Plan And How To Make It Work

Updated:June 25, 2025 | Published:January 5, 2025 | ByPamela Li

Parallel parenting is a co-parenting arrangement for parents who struggle with cooperatively raising children after divorce. Parallel parenting minimizes interaction between parents to reduce conflicts, allowing each parent to manage their parenting responsibilities independently. Parallel parenting differs from cooperative co-parenting, which focuses on collaboration. Parallel parenting prioritizes stability by creating emotional disengagement and maintaining separate parenting approaches.

For families experiencing high conflict, parallel parenting is a critical solution. Divorce often leads to significant stress for children, manifesting as confusion, sadness, and anxiety. Parallel parenting reduces these negative effects by providing structure and predictability, allowing parents to care for their children without exposing them to parental hostility. The parallel setup helps preserve a stable environment, mitigating children’s behavioral issues and ensuring consistent care. Children feel less anxious by avoiding exposure to conflicts. Research shows that children function better in environments where parents refrain from confrontations, highlighting parallel parenting as a suitable option for families with prolonged disputes.

Parent in parallel parenting makes decisions independently, focusing on the child’s welfare while avoiding direct interaction. Communication is often facilitated through digital tools, such as shared calendars or parenting apps, to ensure clarity while minimizing potential conflicts.

A parallel parenting plan outlines responsibilities and serves as a structured guide for both parents, helping to maintain consistency in the child’s upbringing. Successful parallel parenting requires setting clear boundaries, minimizing conflicts during transitions, and tailoring the parenting plan to meet the child’s developmental needs.

The advantages of parallel parenting include reducing conflict, encouraging both parents’ involvement, supporting children’s developmental needs, and providing stability. A key disadvantage of parallel parenting is the limited flexibility when dealing with unforeseen circumstances.

What Is Parallel Parenting?

Parallel parenting is a special co-parenting arrangement where parents mutually agree to have minimal involvement with the other parent. Parallel parenting involves emotional disengagement, low conflict, and low parental communication. Each parent follows their own parenting style to reduce tension and conflict. Parallel parenting is the most common parenting arrangement after divorce, comprising at least 40% of co-parenting types, according to a 2021 study titled “The Troublesome Other and I: Parallel Stories of Separated Parents in Prolonged Conflicts,” conducted by Jan Stokkebekk et al. in Norway and published in Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.

Parallel parenting tends to not provide the same support and benefits for children as cooperative co-parenting, according to a 2020 study titled “Building and Enhancing Efficacious Coparenting in Parenting Coordination,” by Barbara Jo Fidler and James McHale, published in the Family Court Review. However, in highly conflictual joint custody, establishing consistency through a structured parallel process improves stability, predictability, and familiarity, which helps children reduce anxiety.

What Is The Importance Of Parallel Parenting?

Parallel parenting is important for mediating high-conflict situations, especially after marriage dissolution. Divorce often leads to significant emotional and behavioral changes in children. The initial impact includes feelings of confusion, sadness, and anxiety due to the sudden shift in family dynamics. Emotional stress increases when conflicts between parents persist, creating a hostile environment that disrupts a child’s sense of stability and security.

Behavioral problems, such as aggression or withdrawal, often follow as children struggle to adapt to changes. Poor academic performance and difficulties forming healthy relationships arise due to the absence of consistent support and structure, according to a 2000 study titled “Effects of Parental Separation and Divorce on Very Young Children,” conducted by K. Alison Clarke-Stewart et al. and published in the Journal of Family Psychology.

Parallel parenting provides a solution to mitigate the impacts of divorce. Parallel parenting allows parents to minimize direct communication. Parents focus on co-parenting without exposing children to ongoing conflicts. Establishing clear boundaries and separate responsibilities ensures that children receive consistent care and support, even when parents struggle to maintain a civil relationship. Parallel parenting prioritizes the well-being of children by creating a stable environment despite the discord.

How Does Parallel Parenting Impact Children?

Parallel parenting impacts children positively by preventing exposure to marital violence. Violent homes often contribute to difficulties in interpersonal communication and problem-solving, according to a 2004 study titled “Marital Violence, Co-Parenting, and Family-Level Processes in Relation to Children’s Adjustment,” conducted by Lynn Fainsilber Katz et al. The lack of cooperative interaction in parallel parenting lowers parental tension, lowering the likelihood of the child developing behavioral problems.

Parallel parenting limits opportunities for joint family experiences. Children often feel more secure and less anxious with minimized parental conflict and hostility. Parallel parenting helps children function better, making the arrangement ideal for parents who do not remain cooperative after two to three years of separation. Children function better when parents disengage from conflict, according to a 2016 study titled “Co-parenting in a Highly Conflicted Separation/Divorce: Learning about Parents and their Experiences of Parenting Coordination, Legal, and Mental Health Interventions,” conducted by Kelly Mandarino et al. and published in the Family Court Review.

What Are The Key Difference Between Parallel Parenting And Co-Parenting?

The key differences between parallel parenting and co-parenting are the level of communication and collaboration between parents. Parallel parenting minimizes direct contact, with each parent independently handling responsibilities to avoid conflict. Co-parenting involves open communication and shared decision-making to provide consistency and support for the child, requiring active parental cooperation. Co-parenting is a more unified approach to parenting compared to parallel parenting, as detailed in the 2023 study titled “Patterns of coparenting and young children’s social-emotional adjustment in low-income families,” conducted by Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan et al. and published in Child Development journal.

How Does Parallel Parenting Work?

Parallel parenting works by allowing parents to make parenting decisions on their own. Approval from the other parent is not needed. For example, a child enrolls in an after-school program without the other parent’s consent.

Parallel parenting rarely involves direct parental interactions, according to a 2016 study titled “Co-parenting in a Highly Conflicted Separation/Divorce: Learning about Parents and their Experiences of Parenting Coordination, Legal, and Mental Health Interventions,” conducted by Kelly Mandarino et al. and published in the Family Court Review. Coordination often occurs through email, text messages, shared calendars, or parenting applications. Communication between parallel parents tends to be focused only on the child’s welfare. Mediators or neutral parties assist in delivering messages when direct communication proves challenging. A parenting plan outlines each parent’s responsibility and guidelines for communication, ensuring clarity and consistency in the child’s upbringing.

What Is A Parallel Parenting Plan?

A parallel parenting plan is a written agreement outlining how the child is raised. Details of a parallel parenting plan include visitation schedules, decision-making responsibilities, and communication guidelines.

A parallel parenting plan is created by parents or with the help of a family lawyer and mental health professionals. Jurisdictions often require a written parenting plan before granting a divorce, according to a 2007 study titled “Age Appropriate Parenting Plans: Using Child Developmental Information,” conducted by Jill D. Sanders, PhD, and published in the American Journal of Family Law.

What Are The Things To Consider In A Parallel Parenting Plan?

Things to consider in a parallel parenting plan include parental care schedule, drop-off location, holiday and vacation plan, and emergency plan. Here are 8 things to consider in a parallel parenting plan.

• Parental Care Schedule: Figure Out When Each Parent Will Be Caring for the Children. Have designated times for custody. The plan should outline detailed arrangements, including regular schedules, holidays, vacations, and special occasions, to address all possible scenarios. The amount of time a child is separated from each parent must be considered as longer separations affect the child’s developmental progress, according to a 2007 study titled “Age Appropriate Parenting Plans: Using Child Developmental Information,” conducted by Jill D. Sanders, PhD and published in American Journal of Family Law.  A clear schedule in the parenting plan reduces confusion for the children and minimizes conflict between parents.
• Transportation and Drop-Off Location: Determine how and where the kids will be dropped off. Identify neutral and convenient locations for transitions between households. Choosing specific drop-off points protects children from exposure to parental conflict, according to a 2014 study titled “Social Science and Parenting Plans for Young Children: A Consensus Report,” by Richard A. Warshak and published in Psychology, Public Policy, and Law. A clear plan for drop-offs ensures smoother transitions, reducing stress for parents and children.
• Holiday, Birthday, and Vacation Plan: Think about holidays, birthdays, and vacations. Develop a plan for special occasions to avoid conflicts. Alternating holidays, splitting time on birthdays, or planning separate celebrations ensures children enjoy meaningful experiences with both parents.
• Healthcare Plan: Establish how healthcare decisions, such as treatment plans, will be managed. Define which parent will be responsible for scheduling medical appointments, handling health insurance, and communicating with healthcare providers. A clear agreement on healthcare responsibilities ensures that medical needs, such as trauma-related care, are promptly and properly addressed, minimizing miscommunication between parents.
• Emergency Backup Plan: Consider what happens if one parent is sick or stuck at work. Establish backup plans for emergencies or unexpected schedule changes. Decide whether the other parent or a trusted family member should step in during situations. Contingency planning prevents last-minute disagreements and ensures the children’s needs are met.
• Financial Responsibility Plan: Make a financial plan. Address financial responsibilities, including childcare expenses, medical costs, and extracurricular activities. Clearly defining contributions prevents disputes and ensures all children’s financial needs are covered without confusion.
• Discipline Agreement: Decide on discipline strategies. Have an agreement on how the children should be disciplined. Consistent approaches to discipline reduce confusion and help children have a clear understanding of acceptable behaviors.
• Partner Introduction Plan: Include plans on introducing children to a new partner. Discuss how and when introductions should occur. Address the co-parent’s comfort levels to prevent possible misunderstandings. Considering the children’s circumstances helps protect their emotional well-being and ensures that transitions are handled sensitively.

Is Parallel Parenting Plan Important?

Yes, a parallel parenting plan is important because having an established and clear guideline on how the child is raised reduces conflict, according to a 2018 study titled “Do Parenting Plans Work? The Effect of Parenting Plans on Procedural, Family and Child Outcomes,” conducted by Simon de Bruijn et al. and published in the International Journal of Law, Policy, and the Family.

A mutually agreed plan on drop-off location minimizes face-to-face interaction between parents, limiting children’s exposure to conflict, according to a 2014 study titled “Social Science and Parenting Plans for Young Children: A Consensus Report,” conducted by Richard A. Warshak and published in Psychology, Public Policy, and Law journal. Outlining the consequences if the parents fail to adhere to the plan ensures accountability.

What Are The Strategies For A Successful Parallel Parenting?

Strategies for successful parallel parenting include establishing clear boundaries, reducing conflict during transitions, creating leeway for adjustments, tailoring parenting plans, and exploring communication channels. Here are 7 strategies for successful parallel parenting.

• Establish Clear Boundaries: Develop detailed, structured parenting schedules and logistics tailored to the child’s developmental needs. Specify the schedules, drop-off places, communication channels, and use of outside resources in making binding decisions, such as doctor’s appointments. Establishing clear boundaries reduces conflict and promotes stability.
• Reduce Conflict During Transitions: Parental conflict typically occurs during transitions, which makes the child distressed. Minimize the number of transitions to limit conflict exposure or facilitate transfers without the other parent’s presence. Drop off the child at school for the other parent to pick up. Arrange neutral transfer locations like daycare centers. Avoid emotional handoff hotspots like doorways or living rooms.
• Create Leeway for Adjustments: Include buffer time to let the child adjust to the new environment after transitions. Children aged 6 to 10 respond more keenly to household differences, making adjustments difficult. Allow the child to take a short time to regroup in private after transferring to another household. Similar routines teach self-regulation and encourage a calm psychological transition, according to a 2007 study titled “Age Appropriate Parenting Plans: Using Child Developmental Information” by Jill D. Sanders and published in the American Journal of Family Law. Refrain from overwhelming the child with questions about activities during their absence to prevent mental fatigue.
• Tailor Parenting Plan to the Child’s Age: Parenting plans must allow the child to accomplish developmental tasks to promote healthy growth and development. For example, infants or toddlers most benefit from frequent contact with both parents. Time away from the primary parent must not be more than two nights to avoid jeopardizing breastfeeding. Preschool-aged children require high levels of stability and predictability. Parenting plans that allow each parent to cover all parenting functions (eating, sleeping, waking, education, play, etc.) are appropriate, as young children require high levels of stability and predictability.
• Explore Communication Channels: Choose a communication platform that ensures clear and conflict-free exchanges. Choose between email, voicemails, or co-parenting apps to avoid direct conflicts. Avoid using the child as a messenger to relay information to the co-parent to reduce the risk of distorted communication and potential manipulation. Address the flow of communication between the child and the other parent.
• Adjust Parenting Plan: Parenting plans must be adjusted to reflect the evolving needs of children and the changing circumstances of parents. Children’s developmental stages, emotional needs, and school or extracurricular activities often require modifications to existing arrangements. Tailoring plans ensure the well-being of children and promote a harmonious co-parenting relationship.
• Establish the Role of External Parties: Misunderstandings and difficulties in delivering messages often provoke conflicts. Incorporate a mechanism for resolving disagreements to prevent unilateral decisions by identifying external experts for dispute resolution. Consider the roles of parenting coaches and therapists in helping improve co-parenting skills.

What Are The Challenges In Parallel Parenting?

Challenges in parallel parenting include conflicting parenting styles, inconsistent discipline, and miscommunication. Conflicting parenting styles influence child development in various ways. Authoritative parenting (high responsiveness, high control) positively affects children’s well-being, while authoritarian parenting (low responsiveness, high control) often leads to externalizing behaviors like aggression, as detailed in the 2021 study titled “Types of Parenting Styles and Effects On Children,” conducted by Terrence Sanvictores et al. and published in StatPearls. Differing styles of parenting tend to negatively impact children.

Inconsistent discipline creates confusion about appropriate behavior, according to a 2004 study titled “Types of Parenting Styles and Effects On Children,” by Peter Nieman et al. and published in Paediatrics & Child Health. Children struggle to distinguish right from wrong when parents enforce differing consequences. Limited direct communication between parents lowers conflict but increases the likelihood of miscommunication. A lack of clarity regarding communication channels further contributes to misunderstandings.

What To Avoid In Parallel Parenting

To have an effective and beneficial parallel parenting plan, avoid being overly critical of the other parent, implying the other parent is dangerous when they’re not, or questioning the child about the other parent. Here are 7 things to avoid in parental parenting.

1. Criticize the Other Parent in Front of the Child: Criticizing the other parent in front of the child creates confusion and emotional distress, according to a 2007 study titled “Age Appropriate Parenting Plans: Using Child Developmental Information,” conducted by Jill D. Sanders and published in the American Journal of Family Law. Criticisms cause the child to feel torn between parents. Some children lose respect or develop negative opinions about one parent, even when the views are unearned.
2. Tell the Child They Need Protection From the Other Parent: Telling a child that protection is needed from the other parent creates fear and erodes trust. Such behaviors instill harmful beliefs about the other parent, leading to parental alienation.
3. Question the Child About the Other Parent: Asking a child about the other parent’s actions, words, or feelings places the child in a difficult position. Intrusive questions cause discomfort and create a sense of being coerced into taking sides, leading to unnecessary stress or confusion.
4. Project Grievances Onto the Child: Parents must avoid projecting their grievances or emotions onto their children. Mixing their negative feelings about the other parent with the child’s experiences distorts children’s perception and influences their emotional development.
5. Depend on the Child for Emotional Support: Relying on a child for emotional support or companionship burdens the child with adult issues and creates a sense of responsibility for the parent’s emotional well-being.
6. Stop Talking About the Other Parent Completely: Avoiding any mention of the other parent confuses the child and creates feelings of alienation. Neutral or positive discussions about the other parent help the child understand that both parents remain part of their life.
7. Withhold Photos or Reminders of the Other Parent: Withholding photos or other reminders of the other parent sends the message that one parent is less important or must be erased from the child’s life. Visual reminders, like family photos, ensure the child feels connected to both parents.

What Are The Benefits Of Parallel Parenting?

The benefits of parallel parenting include preventing fighting, encouraging father involvement, fostering child adjustment, addressing developmental needs, and maintaining stability. Here are 5 benefits of parallel parenting.

• Prevents Fighting: Minimal direct interaction between the parents reduces conflict. A structured arrangement helps maintain a calmer environment, which benefits the child’s emotional well-being.
• Father Involvement: Parallel parenting allows non-residential fathers to be more involved with raising the child. Good father-teen relationships are linked to trust, satisfaction, and fewer feelings of loss, according to a 2007 study titled “Children’s Living Arrangements Following Separation and Divorce: Insights From Empirical and Clinical Research,” conducted by Joan B. Kelly and published in Family Process journal.
• Developmental Needs: Toddlers and preschool-aged children require regular contact with both parents to develop well, according to a 2007 study titled “Age Appropriate Parenting Plans: Using Child Developmental Information” by Jill D. Sanders and published in the American Journal of Family Law. Parallel parenting supports children’s relationships with both parents, fostering secure attachments and emotional stability.
• Child Adjustment: Children in parallel parenting arrangements demonstrate better emotional and psychological outcomes compared to those in sole custody arrangements, according to a 2021 study titled “The Troublesome Other and I”: Parallel Stories of Separated Parents in Prolonged Conflicts,” conducted by Jan Stokkebekk et al. and published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. Children adjust better to separations when parenting agreements are well-defined and effective practices are maintained in both homes.
• Stability: Parallel parenting creates clear boundaries and consistent routines, offering children a predictable environment. Stability in parenting arrangements helps children focus on their personal and academic development without distraction from familial stress.

Is Parallel Parenting Good For Parents Who Are Prone To Arguing?

Yes, parallel parenting is good for parents who are prone to argue or have not found success with other forms of therapy or psychoeducational programs, according to a 2004 study titled “Directed Co-Parenting Intervention: Conducting Child-Centered Interventions in Parallel With Highly Conflicted Co-Parents,” by Benjamin D. Garber, published in Professional Psychology: Research and Practice.

Is Parallel Parenting Suitable For Co-parenting With a Narcissistic Parent?

Yes, parallel parenting is a helpful strategy for co-parenting with a parent with narcissistic traits. Parallel parenting minimizes direct interactions, reducing the opportunities for conflicts and emotional turmoil while allowing the narcissistic parent to remain a part of the child’s life. However, parallel parenting is less effective when one or more parents are unreliable or unsafe due to severe psychiatric disorders, personality disorders, active substance abuse, or concerns about toxic behavior, child abuse, or neglect.

What Are The Drawbacks Of Parallel Parenting?

The drawbacks of parallel parenting include less coordination and rigidity in parenting plans, according to a 2003 study titled “Parents with Enduring Child Disputes: Focused Interventions with Parents in Enduring Disputes,” conducted by Joan B. Kelly and published in the Journal of Family Studies. Difficulty coordinating aspects of children’s lives, such as medical health and homework assignments, occurs due to limited direct communication.

A strict parenting plan is ideal for parallel parenting to minimize parental conflicts, but the inflexibility of the plan is a disadvantage, as strict schedules and guidelines fail to accommodate any unforeseen circumstances.